A Quest for Nerds

You know, everyone has a particular quest. A burden. Something they must struggle through one day.
I have SO MANY OF THESE.
Actually, quite seriously, I have a couple of books I always vow to finish at some point or another.
They tend to be older books, "Classics" that I feel like I have to read in order to be a "real" reader. 

BOOKS I CANNOT SEEM TO READ

1. Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings, by J. R. R. Tolkien
3. The Once and Future King, by T. H. White
4. Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy

I have checked all of these books out of libraries multiple times. I have read up to a third of some. I OWN some of them. About once a year, I ACTIVELY SEEK each of them, and attempt to read them.
And then I get stuck. So, so, so stuck. And I start reading something else. And then... the due date comes up, and I return it, and forget about it.
Currently, I am attempting to read J. R. R. Tolkien's The Two Towers, or books III and IV.
I am.... halfwayish.... into Book III.
See, the thing that really gets me is that I HAVE A PATTERN, and I KNOW I have a pattern, but I still can't frigging seem to finish any of the books on that list.
Although to be fair, The Lord of the Rings (LOTR) is pretty much an enormous series. But whatever.
The pattern I wind myself into (every. time.) goes something like this:

Innocent/Naive Self (INS): "Oh, it is *summervacation/springbreak/Christmasbreak/longweekend*. You know what I will do? I will check out *book 1, 2, 3, or 4; see above*. And I will finish it during *summervacation/springbreak/Christmasbreak/longweekend*. And then I can check off a Literary Achievement!"

(I am joking about the Literary Achievement bit. Kind of.)

And the thing is, despite all odds, this happens pretty much every break. I seem to regain my sense of innocence and naivete.

Actually, this Spring Break I'm reading Book III of LOTR.
Or maybe The Once and Future King.
Or Pride and Prejudice.
*Innocent/Naive Self: "OR ALL OF THEM! WE CAN TOTES DO IT!"*

Yargh.
The worst part is the impending sense of Doooom when the end of *summervacation/springbreak/Christmasbreak/longweekend* comes around.
Dooooom................
Doooom................
Dooom.............
Doom...........

And with that cheerful thought, I leave you.
Because I have a lot of reading to do.

RR

Stupid Monkey

Hey mamacitas,

let's talk about one of my personal Literary Monkeys, clawing its way up my back to a prime position of right. next. to. my. right. ear: Book Guilt.

Yes, that's right. Book Guilt.

Fear it.

My Book Guilt regularly rears its ugly monkey like face when I have been indulging in a good session of Mindless Reading. You know what I'm talking about. Mindless Reads are the book equivalents of watching plotless sitcoms or cartoons instead of epically epic epics and award-winning, acclaimed documentaries. Over the last couple of months (digging back into School Work, ick) I've been imbibing in a steady flow of what I consider to be easy reads. Books that require effort, or are exceedingly Large and Intimidating, have been unceremoniously shoved to the back of the bookshelves, where herds of dust bunnies will snarl warningly at me when I forget and reach into the depths, looking for a book where neither high school nor romance is addressed. Lord of the Rings? LATER! Jane Austen? NOT NOW! Little Women? I'LL GET TO IT!

A couple of days ago at the school library, I decided to try to stop the screeching of the monkey at my NASCAR-racer-finds-lost-son-and-fiancee-they-live-happily-ever-after comfortably thin paperback pick by taking out one of the largest non-Twilight fictional books known to mankind: Anna Karenina.

BAD IDEA.

When trying to build up reading from, say, crappy romance paperbacks, one should try to move in small steps. From a romance PB to a mystery PB. From the mystery PB to a High School Hardcover (one of the first three Harry Potters, maybe). From the HS Hardcover to an Emotional Hardcover (say, a Sarah Dessen. THIS IS NOT A SLAM! I love her books with a righteous fire). From the Emotional Hardcover to a Fairly Easy to Read Classic (Little Women, anything about Anne Shirley). From easy classic, move to the Medium Classic (Austen, Tolkien). From the Medium Classic, proceed to the Hard Classics, otherwise known as Almost Anything By An Obscure Russian.

Accompany with lazy weekend afternoons and as little personal hygiene (washing, makeup, dressing) as is possible.

Yes, I see the irony in posting this on SUNDAY, the Ominous Weekend Day Because The Next Day Is Monday So What Is The Point Of Enjoying Yourself Because Tomorrow Might Just Suck. But this gives you time to prepare for NEXT weekend!

There will be more on this Lit Guilt later.

See you on the flip side,

AT/RR/AS

(all these names are starting to screw with my head. Oops! We meant our head.)