For Goodlooking Children, Marry Your Siblings

That's right.
A couple weeks ago, I went on an Egypt book binge - Cleopatra, Nefertiti, Nefertari, Selene, Mutnodjmet, etc.
And even though I read a range of authors (all female, but a there were about three different ones) there were a couple of things that kept cropping up: All of the women were *Gorgeous* with a capital G, and all the men were either really hot, or kind of pudgy and useless. All the Egypto-dudes were easily enthralled by womanly charms.
So. Exciting.

I kind of take offense that every author touching on Ptolemy-era Egypt seems to think that the women had to be Supermodel Stunning in order to be rulers. I mean, while it IS true that being good looking can give you a boost in the Charm Olympics, research has indicated that Cleopatra (whose name most likely was actually spelled Kleopatra, but we English-speakers tend to butcher, oh, you know, EVERYTHING, so there you go) was actually fairly plain, with a large, hooked nose, and some royal junk in the trunk. It was her mind that truly fascinated people, and made her one of the most iconic women in history.
The pudgey-or-crazy-and-powerful men thing was kind of annoying too, actually, and this is where m'mind drifted to:
Ladies and gentlemen, I present for your pleasure, an unprecedented glimpse into the men of Ptolemy Egypt! There were only TWO varieties, with ONE subcategory and ONE combo special - let the show begin!

FIRST, we have the Hot But Brash Young Thang, as seen in Ramesses II and Marc Antony. Typically a sleek and muscular warrior incredible in-between the sheets, this young charmer is also promiscuous, but in love with only ONE WOMAN. (It BASICALLYALMOSTKINDOF balances out to monogamy.) Now, the HBBYT has a subcategory: Hot Crazy Young Thang, as seen in Ankhenaten, otherwise known as the Heretic King, for basically pulling a Henry VIII and starting his own church.Also, spreading plague in his own castle.

SECOND, we have Nice But Fat and Useless, as seen in Seti I and Ptolemy XII Auletes. Typically the father or father-in-law of our main character, the Gorgeous And Brainy Princess, he is basically a nice guy, but stupid. Easily bamboozled into following the wishes of Evil Manipulative People, when he dies, his son assumes some of his responsibilities, becoming a combo deal of the two categories described here:

Hot But Brash and Easily Bamboozled Well-Meaning King Who Likes to Sleep Around But is IN LOVE With Only One Woman, or HBBEBWMKWLSABILWOOW. Which, come to think of it, might actually be an Egyptian pharaoh's name.

So, there you go. Books on Ptolemy-era Egypt in a page.

This is not to say that ALL books written by women are about annoyingly oblivious men and hot, smart women - I'm actually really looking forward to reading the new Cleopatra book by Stacy Schiff: Cleopatra: A Life. It sounds really good - especially as it is grounded in meticulous research and a biography by an acclaimed biographer. So, after  I wait for 52 other library patrons to read and return their copies... I'll let you know if it's something new. That actually makes sense.
I mean, I would like to think that one of the most complex cultures in the history of the world was led by people other than fat, promiscous, crazy old men.


RR