Something Wicked This Way Comes...

Hey Bugs and Gurgles,
unfortunately, it's that time of year. Back to school!
In honor of this somber occasion, I present to you:

MY PERSONAL BEST BACK TO SCHOOL BOOKS

1. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.
Was any kid ever so happy to go back to school?

2. The Princess Diaries, Volume 1
Even princesses have to go to high school. But most princesses don't journal with a viciously truthful take on how truly absurd and unnecessary high school education is.

3. Tam Lin, by Pamela Dean
Postsecondary fairytale, anyone? Stay away from Profs named Medeus.

4. Prom Dates From Hell
There is such a thing as karma, people. Meaning that if you are a bully, or even just watch bullies without intervening, you will have your worst fears realized by a demon from Hell. Also, if you try to stop said demon, it will destroy your term paper.

5. Jane Eyre
Your school is most likely not going to cut your hair or not give you proper medical treatment. See? Someone DOES have it worse then you!

6. Kiss and Blog
Betrayal. Blogs. Bowl gloss. This book really does have it all, as two best friends set off to become popular. One does, one doesn't. The Doesn't is ditched, and writes a blog made to humiliate and bring down the Does. Delicious.

7. Any of the Artemis Fowl books
Hello, he's such a genius, he is smarter then all of his teachers, AND his shrinks. But he STILL IS FORCED TO GO TO SCHOOL IN-BETWEEN MAGICAL HEISTS. School is infinitely more boring for him then you, and he can't even figure out a way to get out of the majority of it.

8. Beka Cooper: Terrier
Do YOUR teachers send you to "fetch" drugged up, armed criminals racing through dim, dank, dusty, disgusting alleyways? No? Then stop whining, because BEKA COOPER doesn't. She just catches murderers.

9. Curse of the Blue Tattoo, by L. A. Meyer
Okay, so some of you are going to get this book and be all, "WTF! This is a SEQUEL!" But trust me. Even without the first book of super-awesomeness that the Jacky Faber series is, you can still enjoy the second book, Curse of the Blue Tattoo, where Jacky Faber, the Cockney street-child who snuck onto a Navy ship and pretended to be a boy and fell in love and faced down pirates and killed a molester and survived on a desert island alone, goes to a Boston girls' school to learn to be a lady.
Seriously, HOW COULD THIS BOOK BE BAD?
But my Point is, Jacky's school experience is most likely worse then yours. For instance, at your school, corporal punishment is no longer allowed. Jacky's school? NOT SO MUCH. Also, at YOUR school, there is no embroidery class. At JACKY'S school, they are forced to make SAMPLERS.
SAMPLERS, I TELL YOU.

That concludes my Back to School Books List. I wish you all a number of things this school year (list number 2!!!), all of which the above books have taught me that you need for a satisfactory year.

THINGS I WISH FOR YOU THIS SCHOOL YEAR
1. For your teacher to have a normal person back-of-head.

2. Boobs.
Bigger, smaller, whatever.
BOOBS MAKE THINGS BETTER. Just ask Mia. And the world population of teenage boys.

3. Not to get knocked up and have to save your baby-daddy from an evil (or at least morally decrepit) professor/faerie queen.

4. An absence of hell-beings.

5. Good hair. And a hot blind dude.

6. Loyal friends.

7. Smarts.

8. Non-abusive teachers who are actually committed to getting you the education you need.

9. No crazy witch-hunters. But lots of love letters.

Bye bye for now,
AT/RR

Specialness!

The youngest generation in my family now has baby #21! So in honor of the occasion, I am going to post my favorite baby and kids books.

MY FAVORITE BABY & LITTLE KIDS BOOKS
1. Good Night Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
2. Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein
3. Birthday Monsters! by Sandra Boynton
4. Gold Families Don't by Robert Munsch
5. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
6. Julius, the Baby of the World by Kevin Henkes

Sending authoritative mice and monsters with hats your way,
AT/RR