Stupid Monkey

Hey mamacitas,

let's talk about one of my personal Literary Monkeys, clawing its way up my back to a prime position of right. next. to. my. right. ear: Book Guilt.

Yes, that's right. Book Guilt.

Fear it.

My Book Guilt regularly rears its ugly monkey like face when I have been indulging in a good session of Mindless Reading. You know what I'm talking about. Mindless Reads are the book equivalents of watching plotless sitcoms or cartoons instead of epically epic epics and award-winning, acclaimed documentaries. Over the last couple of months (digging back into School Work, ick) I've been imbibing in a steady flow of what I consider to be easy reads. Books that require effort, or are exceedingly Large and Intimidating, have been unceremoniously shoved to the back of the bookshelves, where herds of dust bunnies will snarl warningly at me when I forget and reach into the depths, looking for a book where neither high school nor romance is addressed. Lord of the Rings? LATER! Jane Austen? NOT NOW! Little Women? I'LL GET TO IT!

A couple of days ago at the school library, I decided to try to stop the screeching of the monkey at my NASCAR-racer-finds-lost-son-and-fiancee-they-live-happily-ever-after comfortably thin paperback pick by taking out one of the largest non-Twilight fictional books known to mankind: Anna Karenina.

BAD IDEA.

When trying to build up reading from, say, crappy romance paperbacks, one should try to move in small steps. From a romance PB to a mystery PB. From the mystery PB to a High School Hardcover (one of the first three Harry Potters, maybe). From the HS Hardcover to an Emotional Hardcover (say, a Sarah Dessen. THIS IS NOT A SLAM! I love her books with a righteous fire). From the Emotional Hardcover to a Fairly Easy to Read Classic (Little Women, anything about Anne Shirley). From easy classic, move to the Medium Classic (Austen, Tolkien). From the Medium Classic, proceed to the Hard Classics, otherwise known as Almost Anything By An Obscure Russian.

Accompany with lazy weekend afternoons and as little personal hygiene (washing, makeup, dressing) as is possible.

Yes, I see the irony in posting this on SUNDAY, the Ominous Weekend Day Because The Next Day Is Monday So What Is The Point Of Enjoying Yourself Because Tomorrow Might Just Suck. But this gives you time to prepare for NEXT weekend!

There will be more on this Lit Guilt later.

See you on the flip side,

AT/RR/AS

(all these names are starting to screw with my head. Oops! We meant our head.)

A Tragic and Unavoidable Life Event

At the beginning of last year, I stumbled on a book that has been the toast of the literary town lately: The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins. Katniss Everdeen, and her romantic, political, physical, and moral struggles have captivated audiences around the world, of all ages, sizes, colours, and whatever other descriptives you can think of.

This book - the entire trilogy - has been hailed as the next great series.

Hm. Yeah.

In the last coupla weeks, I've mowed through the first two books and am anxiously waiting for the last one.

I cracked the book open with a sense of trepidation and hope: the questions that run through your head as you begin a book that's been raved about.

Will this be my next favourite book?

Is this book REALLY as good as they say?

Is this the beginning of a beautiful relationship?

(Yes, I have been single for a while. But you can't deny, a new book is a lot like meeting a new Potential Paramour.)

I mowed through the first book in a couple of hours, but my initial reaction?

meh.

MEH.

Seriously, 24 kids are sent to KILL EACH OTHER, there are complex, interesting relationships and political ties between characters, and my reaction????

"Meh."

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGH................

Look, THG is a really cool book. But I COULDN'T ENJOY IT!

The expectations! The rave reviews! The awesome covers!

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING.

The build up was just too much - no book could have been the epic personal journey that it was set up as.

Then I read the second one: Catching Fire.

That one actually DID disappoint at first, but after about fifty pages, it got pretty good (see that? That is me underselling the book. In all actuality, it got REALLY GOOD, but I was trying to save you from my Tragic Fate). Then, in a fire of uncertainty and unreasonable anger at epically long waiting lists at the library, I broke like a stale cookie in a toddler's clammy fist and peeked at Mockingjay's plot on Wikipedia.

*Cue self-loathing*

So now, I have ruined the last book for myself (heh. But I do have the power to ruin it for my [nonexistent?] readers), and I have been left with the sad realization that no matter what I do, at some point, high expectations will not be met.

Some argue that logically, the thing to do is to have the lowest expectations possible.

I have subscribed to this Train of Thought before, and while momentarily gratifying, hope is something that we shouldn't just dismiss. When we hope, we are happy. I mean, if you have been, say, single FOREVER, you could just stay home all the time and cultivate facial hair, because you're realistically never going to meet your SoulMate. But if you get up out of bed and put on some of your favourite clothing and then go out to the library or local cafe or just for a walk - your chances of meeting someone shoot through the roof. (I hate to burst someone's bubble, but a hot Jehovah's Witness is NOT just going to show up on a day when you are wearing your cute pajamas. Seriously. I believe in fairies, but even *I* know that smokin' JH's do not coincide with Cute Days. Let it go.)

So basically, to sum up this uberlong, uberwindy and bendy post:

1. DO NOT OVERSELL THINGS LIKE BOOKS. Or movies. Or TV.

2. THG books are good books. Not great. But they are interesting, and easy to read. Also, they make you think. (RRRRGH, MUST STOP URGE TO OVERSELL!!!!)

3. Don't look up plot spoilers. It makes you feel superior and trashy. Not a good combo.

4. Hope is good. Keep it alive.

5. Buy cute pajamas. Because you never know what might happen.

6. Get outside. That's right, close this window, stand up, and vacate the premises. Breath. Smile at people.

And have a nice day.

Sincerely,

AT/RR

Something to Speak For

There are a lot of things that piss me off while simultaneously making me want to cry.

Animal abuse.

Child abuse.

Racism.

Sexism.

And one of my personal I-Despise-This-In-Particular-s:

Censorship.

In North America, every September school boards hold what are basically civilized book burnings, where they pick and choose from On High what books are suitable for our impressionable youth to intake.

This year, one of the targets is Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson.

I don't know why I haven't written about Speak before, but now I have to. People like El Ignoramus, otherwise known as Wesley Scroggins, have to be stood up to, or we will all be reading nothing but Millie Buys a Dress.

Speak is about a girl named Melinda, who is raped the summer before ninth grade. She is so traumatized, she cannot speak. She loses her friends. And she is all alone, trying to deal with something that no-one ever should.

Mr. Scroggins (known from here on as El Ignoramus, or EI) is saying that Speak, with its two sex scenes, is like pornography.

Okay, let's rewind. The sex scenes in Speak are in no way designed to get someone "hot and bothered". They are about RAPE. They are scenes of violation. Abuse.

There is nothing enjoyable about them.

Speak is a voice for all victims of abuse. It has given those who cannot speak a chance to be heard, in a way that they cannot.

Recently, a girl was gang raped by seven young men while up to a dozen people watched. She was drugged, and pictures were taken of the rapes, then plastered all over the Internet.

Girls her age are saying it was her fault, that she was on drugs, that she was willing.

That youth are so horribly ignorant on issues like consent and assault is frightening, and raises important questions about what our generation is being taught about sex. Speak is an important educating tool to talk about these issues, to teach and to learn. Banning it is like putting a gag in every victim's mouth.

Please read Speak. Read it in public, at school, in your home.

Read it sitting in front of the offices of ignoramuses like Scroggins.

Fight back by reading, and learning, and teaching.

Pissed off and sad,

AT/RR

My Name is Amy Stun, and I Read:

JODI PICOULT.

Probably every person in the free world who looks in a newspaper, library, or bookstore has heard of Jodi Picoult, most likely for her hit book My Sister's Keeper. And the thing is, her books are fairly complex. There are twists, betrayals, secrets, and double-crossings quite frequently. She has (to this intrepid reporter's view) captured the legal system almost perfectly and deftly maneuvers telling the story from multiple points of view.

That being said, Picoult is definitely not a perfect writer. Sometimes, her "subtle" hints can be annoying, as with the her sometimes cloyingly detailed descriptions of emotions. One has to wonder occasionally at character's vivid descriptions of their feelings, pasts, presents, and futures - they don't seem like realistic representations of what people would actually do. However, Picoult always delivers an engrossing, long, and generally satisfying read ideal for planes, road trips, and weekends away or at home. And in this world of Bestsellers and Literature, Picoult delivers smart, interesting Bestsellers.

MY FAVOURITE JODI PICOULT BOOKS

1. Salem Falls

Modern-day retelling of The Crucible. Always a good read. Full of creepy teenage girls and secrets. FUN!

2. Plain Truth

Dead baby. Teenage mother. Amish farm. Seriously insane plot. It's got two of my favourite things in crime books: teen mothers, and minorities. Both people who have complicated stories and points-of-view.

3. My Sister's Keeper

NOT A FEEL GOOD BOOK. I cry so much reading this book I get dehydrated. No joke.

4. The Tenth Circle

Again, not so much a feel good read. But interesting in its portrayal of Inuit traditions and teen sexuality.

Pick one up for a weekend, chickie poos. You won't regret it.

xoxo AT/RR

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

Hey Bugs and Gurgles,
unfortunately, it's that time of year. Back to school!
In honor of this somber occasion, I present to you:

MY PERSONAL BEST BACK TO SCHOOL BOOKS

1. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.
Was any kid ever so happy to go back to school?

2. The Princess Diaries, Volume 1
Even princesses have to go to high school. But most princesses don't journal with a viciously truthful take on how truly absurd and unnecessary high school education is.

3. Tam Lin, by Pamela Dean
Postsecondary fairytale, anyone? Stay away from Profs named Medeus.

4. Prom Dates From Hell
There is such a thing as karma, people. Meaning that if you are a bully, or even just watch bullies without intervening, you will have your worst fears realized by a demon from Hell. Also, if you try to stop said demon, it will destroy your term paper.

5. Jane Eyre
Your school is most likely not going to cut your hair or not give you proper medical treatment. See? Someone DOES have it worse then you!

6. Kiss and Blog
Betrayal. Blogs. Bowl gloss. This book really does have it all, as two best friends set off to become popular. One does, one doesn't. The Doesn't is ditched, and writes a blog made to humiliate and bring down the Does. Delicious.

7. Any of the Artemis Fowl books
Hello, he's such a genius, he is smarter then all of his teachers, AND his shrinks. But he STILL IS FORCED TO GO TO SCHOOL IN-BETWEEN MAGICAL HEISTS. School is infinitely more boring for him then you, and he can't even figure out a way to get out of the majority of it.

8. Beka Cooper: Terrier
Do YOUR teachers send you to "fetch" drugged up, armed criminals racing through dim, dank, dusty, disgusting alleyways? No? Then stop whining, because BEKA COOPER doesn't. She just catches murderers.

9. Curse of the Blue Tattoo, by L. A. Meyer
Okay, so some of you are going to get this book and be all, "WTF! This is a SEQUEL!" But trust me. Even without the first book of super-awesomeness that the Jacky Faber series is, you can still enjoy the second book, Curse of the Blue Tattoo, where Jacky Faber, the Cockney street-child who snuck onto a Navy ship and pretended to be a boy and fell in love and faced down pirates and killed a molester and survived on a desert island alone, goes to a Boston girls' school to learn to be a lady.
Seriously, HOW COULD THIS BOOK BE BAD?
But my Point is, Jacky's school experience is most likely worse then yours. For instance, at your school, corporal punishment is no longer allowed. Jacky's school? NOT SO MUCH. Also, at YOUR school, there is no embroidery class. At JACKY'S school, they are forced to make SAMPLERS.
SAMPLERS, I TELL YOU.

That concludes my Back to School Books List. I wish you all a number of things this school year (list number 2!!!), all of which the above books have taught me that you need for a satisfactory year.

THINGS I WISH FOR YOU THIS SCHOOL YEAR
1. For your teacher to have a normal person back-of-head.

2. Boobs.
Bigger, smaller, whatever.
BOOBS MAKE THINGS BETTER. Just ask Mia. And the world population of teenage boys.

3. Not to get knocked up and have to save your baby-daddy from an evil (or at least morally decrepit) professor/faerie queen.

4. An absence of hell-beings.

5. Good hair. And a hot blind dude.

6. Loyal friends.

7. Smarts.

8. Non-abusive teachers who are actually committed to getting you the education you need.

9. No crazy witch-hunters. But lots of love letters.

Bye bye for now,
AT/RR

Specialness!

The youngest generation in my family now has baby #21! So in honor of the occasion, I am going to post my favorite baby and kids books.

MY FAVORITE BABY & LITTLE KIDS BOOKS
1. Good Night Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
2. Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein
3. Birthday Monsters! by Sandra Boynton
4. Gold Families Don't by Robert Munsch
5. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
6. Julius, the Baby of the World by Kevin Henkes

Sending authoritative mice and monsters with hats your way,
AT/RR

Hell Yes

Alright, everybody. My personal Piles of Books contains a nice mix of classics and contemporaries, but the fact is, I only read about a quarter of them regularly. There are about twenty-five books that I frequently read whenever I have nothing else to read. Thus, I am always electrified to find a new series that I am willing to read over and over again.

Introducing my new favourite series: Maggie Quinn: Girl vs. Evil. Woo-hoo!
The series is written by Rosemary Clement-Moore, a Texan sci-fi fantasy geek. WHAT could be BETTER?
Magdalena Lorraine Quinn is basically like Buffy Summers minus the hair/makeup/wardrobe pros and super strength.
Maggie is spunky, short, has a perpetually scruffy bob, lives in sweatshirts/t-shirts/jeans, and is kind of psychic/clairvoyant (her powers are growing. Eeee! I love when powers grow).

The series is so far comprised of three books (praying for more):

1. Prom Dates from Hell: Can Maggie graduate high school, defeat a demon summoned by a vindictive nerd, accept her 'gifts', and figure out Justin, her dad's ubercute grad student.
   
2. Hell Week: Sorority girls from Hell. There is nothing else to say. Also, this book's cover is INSANELY AWESOME.
3. Highway to Hell: Kick-ass song, kick-ass book. On a Spring Break roadtrip with her best friend D&D Lisa (yes, that's Dungeons & Dragons), a mechanical break down leads to getting stuck in a ranching town where an ancient monster chupacabra is killing cattle. OR IS IT A CHUPACABRA? Dun dun duh.

For fans of Buffy, Supernatural, Veronica Mars, or even if you're a chick tired of the only fantasy having vampires in it, this is a must-read. Also, libraries have them in bunches, and they're a sleeper hit, so they're easy to get your hands on quick.

xo
RR