Hey Bugs and Gurgles,
unfortunately, it's that time of year. Back to school!
In honor of this somber occasion, I present to you:
MY PERSONAL BEST BACK TO SCHOOL BOOKS
1. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.
Was any kid ever so happy to go back to school?
2. The Princess Diaries, Volume 1
Even princesses have to go to high school. But most princesses don't journal with a viciously truthful take on how truly absurd and unnecessary high school education is.
3. Tam Lin, by Pamela Dean
Postsecondary fairytale, anyone? Stay away from Profs named Medeus.
4. Prom Dates From Hell
There is such a thing as karma, people. Meaning that if you are a bully, or even just watch bullies without intervening, you will have your worst fears realized by a demon from Hell. Also, if you try to stop said demon, it will destroy your term paper.
5. Jane Eyre
Your school is most likely not going to cut your hair or not give you proper medical treatment. See? Someone DOES have it worse then you!
6. Kiss and Blog
Betrayal. Blogs. Bowl gloss. This book really does have it all, as two best friends set off to become popular. One does, one doesn't. The Doesn't is ditched, and writes a blog made to humiliate and bring down the Does. Delicious.
7. Any of the Artemis Fowl books
Hello, he's such a genius, he is smarter then all of his teachers, AND his shrinks. But he STILL IS FORCED TO GO TO SCHOOL IN-BETWEEN MAGICAL HEISTS. School is infinitely more boring for him then you, and he can't even figure out a way to get out of the majority of it.
8. Beka Cooper: Terrier
Do YOUR teachers send you to "fetch" drugged up, armed criminals racing through dim, dank, dusty, disgusting alleyways? No? Then stop whining, because BEKA COOPER doesn't. She just catches murderers.
9. Curse of the Blue Tattoo, by L. A. Meyer
Okay, so some of you are going to get this book and be all, "WTF! This is a SEQUEL!" But trust me. Even without the first book of super-awesomeness that the Jacky Faber series is, you can still enjoy the second book, Curse of the Blue Tattoo, where Jacky Faber, the Cockney street-child who snuck onto a Navy ship and pretended to be a boy and fell in love and faced down pirates and killed a molester and survived on a desert island alone, goes to a Boston girls' school to learn to be a lady.
Seriously, HOW COULD THIS BOOK BE BAD?
But my Point is, Jacky's school experience is most likely worse then yours. For instance, at your school, corporal punishment is no longer allowed. Jacky's school? NOT SO MUCH. Also, at YOUR school, there is no embroidery class. At JACKY'S school, they are forced to make SAMPLERS.
SAMPLERS, I TELL YOU.
That concludes my Back to School Books List. I wish you all a number of things this school year (list number 2!!!), all of which the above books have taught me that you need for a satisfactory year.
THINGS I WISH FOR YOU THIS SCHOOL YEAR
1. For your teacher to have a normal person back-of-head.
2. Boobs.
Bigger, smaller, whatever.
BOOBS MAKE THINGS BETTER. Just ask Mia. And the world population of teenage boys.
3. Not to get knocked up and have to save your baby-daddy from an evil (or at least morally decrepit) professor/faerie queen.
4. An absence of hell-beings.
5. Good hair. And a hot blind dude.
6. Loyal friends.
7. Smarts.
8. Non-abusive teachers who are actually committed to getting you the education you need.
9. No crazy witch-hunters. But lots of love letters.
Bye bye for now,
AT/RR
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Specialness!
The youngest generation in my family now has baby #21! So in honor of the occasion, I am going to post my favorite baby and kids books.
MY FAVORITE BABY & LITTLE KIDS BOOKS
1. Good Night Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
2. Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein
3. Birthday Monsters! by Sandra Boynton
4. Gold Families Don't by Robert Munsch
5. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
6. Julius, the Baby of the World by Kevin Henkes
Sending authoritative mice and monsters with hats your way,
AT/RR
MY FAVORITE BABY & LITTLE KIDS BOOKS
1. Good Night Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
2. Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein
3. Birthday Monsters! by Sandra Boynton
4. Gold Families Don't by Robert Munsch
5. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
6. Julius, the Baby of the World by Kevin Henkes
Sending authoritative mice and monsters with hats your way,
AT/RR
Friday, July 23, 2010
Hell Yes
Alright, everybody. My personal Piles of Books contains a nice mix of classics and contemporaries, but the fact is, I only read about a quarter of them regularly. There are about twenty-five books that I frequently read whenever I have nothing else to read. Thus, I am always electrified to find a new series that I am willing to read over and over again.
Introducing my new favourite series: Maggie Quinn: Girl vs. Evil. Woo-hoo!
The series is written by Rosemary Clement-Moore, a Texan sci-fi fantasy geek. WHAT could be BETTER?
Magdalena Lorraine Quinn is basically like Buffy Summers minus the hair/makeup/wardrobe pros and super strength.
Maggie is spunky, short, has a perpetually scruffy bob, lives in sweatshirts/t-shirts/jeans, and is kind of psychic/clairvoyant (her powers are growing. Eeee! I love when powers grow).
The series is so far comprised of three books (praying for more):
xo
RR
Introducing my new favourite series: Maggie Quinn: Girl vs. Evil. Woo-hoo!
The series is written by Rosemary Clement-Moore, a Texan sci-fi fantasy geek. WHAT could be BETTER?
Magdalena Lorraine Quinn is basically like Buffy Summers minus the hair/makeup/wardrobe pros and super strength.
Maggie is spunky, short, has a perpetually scruffy bob, lives in sweatshirts/t-shirts/jeans, and is kind of psychic/clairvoyant (her powers are growing. Eeee! I love when powers grow).
The series is so far comprised of three books (praying for more):
- Prom Dates from Hell: Can Maggie graduate high school, defeat a demon summoned by a vindictive nerd, accept her 'gifts', and figure out Justin, her dad's ubercute grad student.
- Hell Week: Sorority girls from Hell. There is nothing else to say. Also, this book's cover is INSANELY AWESOME.
- Highway to Hell: Kick-ass song, kick-ass book. On a Spring Break roadtrip with her best friend D&D Lisa (yes, that's Dungeons & Dragons), a mechanical break down leads to getting stuck in a ranching town where an ancient monster chupacabra is killing cattle. OR IS IT A CHUPACABRA? Dun dun duh.
xo
RR
Bad Books, Great TV
I'm clearly not the only one who's really getting into the total-guilty-pleasure-summer-TV-show that is Pretty Little Liars. Personally, I tried reading the books, but they made me a curious mixture of inquisitive and annoyed. Also, DISBELIEVING. Hello, there's a crazy evil person texting us evil, hateful messages - LET'S CALL THE COPS, SHALL WE?
Also, what's with the cliche Poor Little Rich Girl problems? Bulimia, shop lifting, academic pressure, pressure to have sex, repressed lesbianism, unfaithful parents.... It's like Maury Povich: Upper East Side.
But I have to say, Pretty Little Liars on TV -
INSANELY AWESOME!
It's like television crack. The problems can seem contrived, yes, but they are executed flawlessly. The characters are believable, and the actors are all talented.
Okay, yes, Emily is a weak link. But her story line of Straight Girl Likes Gay Girl But Also Likes Straight Guy is enthralling, and almost makes sense.
Aria's TeacherLove/Parents Having Marital Problems story is mediocre, but Lucy Hale is a good enough actor that it works.
Hanna is reassuringly shallow and sarcastic amidst all the girlish terror, but for me, Spencer Hastings story, character, and actor are the most enthralling. Troian Bellisario is fantastic, fully taking on the character of Spencer - at no point does it feel like she is acting.
So despite a mediocre book base, PLL has evolved into a show worth watching - a Gossip Girl with murder and intrigue.
Later haters!
RR
Also, what's with the cliche Poor Little Rich Girl problems? Bulimia, shop lifting, academic pressure, pressure to have sex, repressed lesbianism, unfaithful parents.... It's like Maury Povich: Upper East Side.
But I have to say, Pretty Little Liars on TV -
INSANELY AWESOME!
It's like television crack. The problems can seem contrived, yes, but they are executed flawlessly. The characters are believable, and the actors are all talented.
Okay, yes, Emily is a weak link. But her story line of Straight Girl Likes Gay Girl But Also Likes Straight Guy is enthralling, and almost makes sense.
Aria's TeacherLove/Parents Having Marital Problems story is mediocre, but Lucy Hale is a good enough actor that it works.
Hanna is reassuringly shallow and sarcastic amidst all the girlish terror, but for me, Spencer Hastings story, character, and actor are the most enthralling. Troian Bellisario is fantastic, fully taking on the character of Spencer - at no point does it feel like she is acting.
So despite a mediocre book base, PLL has evolved into a show worth watching - a Gossip Girl with murder and intrigue.
Later haters!
RR
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The Elegance of A Cliched Ending
Hey currently non-existent readers,
So this week I read the acclaimed novel by Muriel Barbery: The Elegance of the Hedgehog.
The E of the H is being hailed in Europe as a "philosophical fairy tale", "the ultimate celebration of every person's invisible part", "richly suggestive", "most astounding French literary sensation of 2007", and a "great social satire".
This all may be true, but the fact is, The E of the H is slow to start and ends with a tired excuse for an ending.
The main characters, Renee and Paloma, are both intriguing, but the plot, while possessing intriguing twists, is fairly standard.
A BASIC RECIPE FOR AN INSPIRING NOVEL
1. Take one or two lonely people. Give them boring, basic lives.
2. Follow their boring lives. Show occasional sparkles of their being unique, alive people.
3. Introduce interesting, cosmopolitan stranger. (Usually old.)
4. Add water and watch characters unfold and bloom.
5. Reveal scarring past event of character(s).
6. Tragic pitfall. Remaining characters recover slowly and beautifully.
Yeah. It's that simple.
I mean, sure The E of the H does ask some pretty complicated questions, but sometimes I just felt like the author was being pretentious, using the novel's characters to show off her philosophical and political views and knowledge.
The E of the H is still a really interesting read, but it doesn't quite live up to the rave reviews.
Rose Spinster
P. S. I changed my last name. I don't think it makes me flaky. I think it makes me interesting. Also I think it's funny.
So this week I read the acclaimed novel by Muriel Barbery: The Elegance of the Hedgehog.
The E of the H is being hailed in Europe as a "philosophical fairy tale", "the ultimate celebration of every person's invisible part", "richly suggestive", "most astounding French literary sensation of 2007", and a "great social satire".
This all may be true, but the fact is, The E of the H is slow to start and ends with a tired excuse for an ending.
The main characters, Renee and Paloma, are both intriguing, but the plot, while possessing intriguing twists, is fairly standard.
A BASIC RECIPE FOR AN INSPIRING NOVEL
1. Take one or two lonely people. Give them boring, basic lives.
2. Follow their boring lives. Show occasional sparkles of their being unique, alive people.
3. Introduce interesting, cosmopolitan stranger. (Usually old.)
4. Add water and watch characters unfold and bloom.
5. Reveal scarring past event of character(s).
6. Tragic pitfall. Remaining characters recover slowly and beautifully.
Yeah. It's that simple.
I mean, sure The E of the H does ask some pretty complicated questions, but sometimes I just felt like the author was being pretentious, using the novel's characters to show off her philosophical and political views and knowledge.
The E of the H is still a really interesting read, but it doesn't quite live up to the rave reviews.
Rose Spinster
P. S. I changed my last name. I don't think it makes me flaky. I think it makes me interesting. Also I think it's funny.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
You've Been... Jinxed
Hello, imaginary Blog People,
I have been looking through lots of books just so I could find something good to review for you guys!!! See how excited I am!!! Do you see how excited I am!!!!! EXCLAMATION POINT!
The first book I am going to review for you guys is Jinx, by Meg Cabot.
Jean "Jinx" Honeychurch is a preacher's daughter from a small town. But when something happens back home, she moves to New York to live with her aunt, uncle, and cousins.
The thing is, "somethings" are always happening to Jinx, ergo the nickname. And it's just the same in NY as back home. In NY, there's a hot boy next door, who happens to be in love with her aunt's au pair, but he's funny and sweet, and being friends is okay too, right?
But her cousin Torrance is kind of weird. It turns out that Tory believes their grandmother's crazy old story about her great-great-grandmother Branwen, who was a powerful witch. Or so Grandma said.
The story says that Branwen's descendant will be another powerful witch.
But who's the witch?
Tory?
Or the unlucky, "cursed" Jinx?
Jinx is a really fun, easy read. It's sweet and satisfying, but not heavy or dull. It's definitely more memorable then your typical romance novel, and it's even a good reread.
Till later,
Rose Read
I have been looking through lots of books just so I could find something good to review for you guys!!! See how excited I am!!! Do you see how excited I am!!!!! EXCLAMATION POINT!
The first book I am going to review for you guys is Jinx, by Meg Cabot.
Jean "Jinx" Honeychurch is a preacher's daughter from a small town. But when something happens back home, she moves to New York to live with her aunt, uncle, and cousins.
The thing is, "somethings" are always happening to Jinx, ergo the nickname. And it's just the same in NY as back home. In NY, there's a hot boy next door, who happens to be in love with her aunt's au pair, but he's funny and sweet, and being friends is okay too, right?
But her cousin Torrance is kind of weird. It turns out that Tory believes their grandmother's crazy old story about her great-great-grandmother Branwen, who was a powerful witch. Or so Grandma said.
The story says that Branwen's descendant will be another powerful witch.
But who's the witch?
Tory?
Or the unlucky, "cursed" Jinx?
Jinx is a really fun, easy read. It's sweet and satisfying, but not heavy or dull. It's definitely more memorable then your typical romance novel, and it's even a good reread.
Till later,
Rose Read
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Basic Introductions
Hi Blogverse,
my name is Rose Read. I'm a gorgeous bespectacled goddess who loves nothing better then a great book and a pair of yoga pants. I am a fairly seasoned blogger, but this is my first book blog. Rather fittingly, I write this first post in a library.
Books aren't just glue and paper and fabric and thread. They're tiny little universes, galaxies, worlds, cities, towns, streets, houses, people. No wonder an armful weighs so much. The fact is, in this modern age we sometimes forget books. TV, music, movies, radio, are all sometimes more convenient. But nothing can rival the quiet, enveloping contentment of curling up with a book, wherever and whenever. I've read books on planes, in bed, on couches, in fields, in trees, on boats, at school, at work, on buses, in pavilions, in gazebos, in cars. On occasion, I've read while walking.
The fact is, no matter how shiny and flashy and bright other forms of entertainment may be, books are the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end and the middle.
And yes, there is slight irony in my posting about books online, but I think this is less hypocrisy and more creativity.
So let there be books, dear Reader, and let us always be human enough to read them.
Rose Read
my name is Rose Read. I'm a gorgeous bespectacled goddess who loves nothing better then a great book and a pair of yoga pants. I am a fairly seasoned blogger, but this is my first book blog. Rather fittingly, I write this first post in a library.
Books aren't just glue and paper and fabric and thread. They're tiny little universes, galaxies, worlds, cities, towns, streets, houses, people. No wonder an armful weighs so much. The fact is, in this modern age we sometimes forget books. TV, music, movies, radio, are all sometimes more convenient. But nothing can rival the quiet, enveloping contentment of curling up with a book, wherever and whenever. I've read books on planes, in bed, on couches, in fields, in trees, on boats, at school, at work, on buses, in pavilions, in gazebos, in cars. On occasion, I've read while walking.
The fact is, no matter how shiny and flashy and bright other forms of entertainment may be, books are the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end and the middle.
And yes, there is slight irony in my posting about books online, but I think this is less hypocrisy and more creativity.
So let there be books, dear Reader, and let us always be human enough to read them.
Rose Read
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)